One of the oddest things about the lifestyle is the way people choose to leave it. They attend events regularly and become friends with other people in the lifestyle and then suddenly disappear. It leaves everyone wondering what happened to them and why they didn’t bother to say goodbye.

They generally stop attending events and delete all of their lifestyle social media accounts. It’s a very purposeful disappearing act.

Of course, I’ve never had the opportunity to debrief with one of these couples to find out what happened. I can assume that something happened in the relationship that made them stop swinging. When they decided to “stop the lifestyle,” to them, that meant they stopped communicating with anyone they knew from that world.

It’s heartbreaking. In my world, I do not have “vanilla” friends and “lifestyle” friends. I have friends. So when someone has talked to me almost every day for three years and then suddenly deletes their account and disappears, it leaves me wondering, “what the fuck happened to them?”

Did they get divorced?
Is one of their kids ill?
Are they sick?
Was it something I did?

It’s an interesting phenomenon. On the one hand, you could argue that a couple would only suddenly realize the swinger lifestyle wasn’t for them because something “bad” happened. For example, if one member of the couple developed romantic feelings for a partner. So they circle the wagons to protect and repair their relationship and don’t have the time or energy to go on a farewell tour. Fair enough.

But on the other hand, ghosting a friend is hurtful even if that friend is in a lifestyle of which you no longer wish to participate.