It’s remarkable how often someone tells me that their entire life has improved since they entered the swinger lifestyle. These stories rarely focus on their sex life, but instead focus on their ability to parent, work, communicate as a couple and their health.

Let’s focus on these one at a time…


We have a pre-school aged child, and I’m home with her most of the time. If you’re a parent you already know where this is going. LOL. Parents need a break in order to parent well.

The lifestyle allows us to do just that. We can make plans with another couple and force ourselves to take a break. If we only make plans with ourselves, it is pretty easy to back out in order to save money or rest. If you have plans with another couple, however, you can’t flake out or you’ll ruin their evening.


Prior to the lifestyle I’d be at a conference “happy hour” and see dozens of people I knew I should network with, but the very idea of approaching them made me paralyzed with fear.

Now, after attending hundreds of lifestyle parties that fear is completely gone. We’ve went from wallflowers to automatically approaching the most attractive couple there. That is a confidence that took years to develop, but it has directly transferred to the vanilla world and been responsible for every dollar I’ve made in the past decade. I’m a consultant and all of my clients come from phone calls or a face-to-face conversations that I initiate.

Regardless of what line of work you’re in, your success depends upon your ability to communicate and sell. You’re either selling a product, selling an idea or selling yourself. The lifestyle is a crash course on how to approach strangers, introduce yourself with confidence and begin a conversation.

Communication as a couple

You either get better at communicating your fantasies, hopes, dreams, desires and fears with your partner or you’re exiting the lifestyle or the relationship. Enough said.


Your body is like the interior of your automobile. You might think it’s clean enough, but when someone new is about to hop in you suddenly notice the fast food wrapper and dust on the seat. The same is true with our bodies, when you’re about to give someone else a ride, you put a little more effort into it.

How these habits leverage off of each other

One of my favorite books is “The Power of Habit” by Charles Duhigg. The book discusses something known as a  “keystone habit.” This is where one positive habit helps to create others. For example, someone may develop a habit of walking to lose weight, but also find themselves better handling their money.

Simply trying to lose five pounds for the next party may very well make you more productive at work, which in turn may get you a promotion. That sudden promotion may give you the inner strength to quit smoking and so on and so forth.