This morning, I was trying to blog about another subject, but a quick google search turned up this truth-bomb (image) that triggered me into writing on this subject instead. Ridding yourself of endless beauty rituals is one of the worst things about monogamy.
Our old home was special. You could feel the love of previous generations of children raised in the house. It had “growth charts” of children long grown, still drawn on the walls, that no one dared paint over.
The house, built just after world war 2, was next to one of Illinois’ best elementary schools. It was in the heart of the kind of neighborhood where children still walked to school and played outside.
We lived there for seven years but never spent time or money improving the house’s aesthetics. We loved the house for what it was, a place to live, love, and raise our baby, and that’s what mattered.
When we went to sell, all of that changed. The real estate agent saw the house in the way strangers would. Turns out, strangers looking at several places per day cannot see internal or spiritual beauty; they are looking at things like countertops and other finishings.
The agent ordered us to update many cosmetic aspects of the home, telling us that otherwise, a potential buyer would never see the place for how wonderful it was.
So we spent a few thousand dollars replacing, repairing, and repainting. When finished, we were suddenly ashamed that we only made the house look as wonderful as it was so that someone else would see value in it. We knew that we should have made those changes long ago and that the house deserved better than we had provided it.
To our surprise, the cosmetic changes made the little house seem even prouder and made us love it all the more.
It’s inevitable that when you put yourself back “on the market,” that you’ll put your best foot forward. You’ll exercise more, eat better, pay special attention to your hair, and make sure that your clothing fits perfectly. All of those things will make you more attractive, not just to strangers but to your partner and probably most importantly, yourself.
When you feel hotter, you’ll do more of the things that make you feel that way. Soon you’re a walking sex bomb.
We attend events other than YCP and see couples who have been together for 30, 40, or even 50 years. You may assume seeing two 60-something-year-olds grabbing each other’s ass after 40 years of marriage would be gross, but it’s one of the most beautiful things you’ll ever see.
You know what? They are both still attractive. Not just to each other but everyone else. Why? They never stopped trying to be. Therefore they have the confidence, inner-spark, and sexual energy that people who have “given up” no longer have.