We asked men in the facebook group how many compliments their female partner receives at parties versus how many they receive. Not surprisingly men report that it’s at least 20/1 in favor of the women, with some men reporting never receiving any compliments.
This compliment gap is something I’ve noticed both in the lifestyle and in my marriage. Women reassure each other, and men are complimenting women continuously, yet many women leave the event never having said anything nice to a man.
“I love this shirt on you.”
“Wow, you must work out a lot, you look amazing!”
Or even a basic, “you’re hot!” would be received with as much enthusiasm as a suffocating man gifted with a breath of air.
Here is the truth, ladies. Men are human beings who often feel vulnerable at swinger events. They want to feel desirable. Just like you, having someone tell them they are attractive changes their mood.
I once challenged my wife on this issue. I noticed that she never flirted with men. When I asked her, she assured me that she was flirting. I replied, “well, not enough that anyone would ever notice!”
I asked her to compliment a man. She replied that she felt silly and didn’t know how to do that. I gave her the “cat challenge.”
You see, my wife is obsessed with her cat. She tells that furball he’s handsome at least twenty times a day. She baby talks to him, she pets him, she gives him treats and never forgets to tell him how beautiful his fur is and what a good cat he is for keeping it so clean.
So I told her to talk to a man the way she does her cat. Men are so desperate for compliments that they won’t overanalyze this. So she did.
We met a couple at a club in Columbus, Ohio, who was very attractive. He and my wife were talking when she said, “you’re handsome.” That’s it. This guy instantly sat up in his chair and got a massive smile on his face. His reaction was involuntary but instantaneous. She made his night. Even if he went home that instant, he was so happy. Best of all, my wife, flirted, which made her feel good as well.
Women continuously complain on Twitter about men not trying to look good at parties. Men come to non-dress code events in t-shirts, tennis shoes, clothes that do not fit, etc. It’s a massive problem across the swinger lifestyle.
Our dress code is aimed squarely at men because ladies would never attend an event without putting their best foot forward. Yet when you challenge men on this issue, most will say that “it doesn’t matter” what they look like. It matters a lot, but I completely understand why they do not think it does.
Like the survey showed, most men are hearing their partner’s appearance praised dozens of times at every event, yet never hear a single thing about their appearance.
When two couples meet, and the ladies compliment each other, the men compliment the ladies, and no one tells the men anything nice about their appearance, it paints a picture that the men do not matter. Therefore they don’t even want to try.
I can already predict that some ladies will read this and think, “I don’t need to say those things, I flirt in other ways.” Ladies, making eyes, touching your hair or his arm are overlooked flirting styles.
Looking a man in the eyes and saying, “you’re attractive” will blow his mind. Honestly, it’s so rare. He will probably never forget it. He will be smiling all month.