Yes means maybe, and no means no.
People have asked me what my expectations are for the parties, and I don’t have any expectations other than to have fun, feel safe, and dance. How could I not have any expectations? I changed my mindset about these parties, play situations, and specifically about consent.
Consent is easily one of the most important aspects of these parties, and it should be. If you aren’t careful about how you treat consent, you could setup expectations that could fail on you and ruin your good time. One of the parties I attended before I had this mindset, I was disappointed because I was thinking that I would get to do something, and it didn’t happen. After some long conversations with people I trust, I learned I needed to change this.
I started this process by always viewing that whenever someone gave me a yes for something involving the parties, play situations, or just general flirting. I would hear the yes, but always take it as a maybe.
There are quite a few benefits to thinking in this way, especially when people know that you think that way. People can relax because they aren’t worried about telling you yes and feeling bad if it doesn’t happen, or because they no longer are interested in that, or just need to stop for any reason.
I now don’t have any expectations about what I’m going to do during these parties, because I think that “Maybe I can do anal with this person” and not “I’m going to do anal with this person because they said yes”. This change in mindset has been one of the best things I have done.