Guest post by a female YCP member
This summer I was messaging a bombshell of a sexy woman and couldn’t get the idea of kissing her out of my head. And she wanted me.
I could tell she was going to be rough with me, and I fantasized about her pulling my hair and whispering naughty things into my ear…and about the moans she’d make when I’d go down on her.
We exchanged flirty messages over the course of several days, confirmed we both wanted to play with each other, and agreed to see where it went in person at a party.
The day of the party I get there and realize (despite a wonderful history of playing with women) that I just wasn’t feeling women. At all. Umm.. what??
I just. Wanted. Cock.
This was entirely new territory for me. Since discovering my bisexuality I’d always enjoyed and wanted to play with both women and men. Then, out of nowhere, not into women. What the heck?
I had just discovered the fluid nature of my sexuality.
I was confused. So I took a few months to think about my identifier.
Some of you may have noticed I started putting “Interested in titties and dicks” into the virtual party groups. Because I had no idea what was happening, what I was into, why it was happening, or if it would change again.
I can identify myself as loving dick 100% of the time. But my interest in women varies.
Sometimes I REALLY want a woman, sometimes I want women in the context of a full swap with a man (as foreplay, followed by a man), and sometimes I’m only feeling certain women who I know I really vibe with.
I was struggling with how to label myself for others when they asked what I was into. A few terms went through my head… Bi-comfortable? Heteroflexible? Bi-curious? None made sense to me.
Then I realized all these descriptors have one thing in common. Bisexuality.
Being bisexual doesn’t mean you’d equally enjoy both genders during play. Rather, it means being “sexually attracted not exclusively to people of one particular gender; attracted to both men and women,” (Oxford Dictionary).
Friends, that’s just it. You don’t have to want to date both genders, you don’t have to want both genders equally, and you don’t even have to want both genders all the time. Simply put, bisexuality includes those who are fluid in their attraction to men and women.
Here’s where it gets sticky. People have a desire to label their sexuality, in part, to indicate to others what they’re into. Well, fluidity doesn’t always make it possible to tell others what you want all the time—because you may not always know, yourself!
However, I don’t see why calling ourselves bisexual is a problem (especially if you are at all fluid).
When you go to a party, or on the “about us” section of your profile, you may identify as a full-swap couple.
Does that mean you are full-swap at every party? Does that mean you ALWAYS want to have sex with someone else’s spouse? Or sometimes… do you just want to grab your partner and race up the stairs to do naughty, naughty things with them??
In this group we say everything is situational. You are full-swap situational at a party—meaning you will full swap if the situation is right. When the people are right, when the mood is right, when the vibe with your partner is right.
So, why can’t a bisexual label be the same as a full-swap label?
At parties people sometimes assume that bisexual individuals are ALWAYS into playing with both genders. That’s not accurate. And it isn’t an assumption we should make. It’s situational.
I am bisexual. I am bisexual situationally—when I’m feeling women, when I vibe with a particular woman, when I find myself particularly attracted to a woman.
This doesn’t mean I want to play with all women, this doesn’t mean I want to play with the woman during every swap. This doesn’t even mean I want to play with women at every party. Just means I’m into both at times.
Navigating Orientation at Parties
’But if you don’t have an incredibly specific identifier how will we know what you are into at a particular party??’
This blog should not dissuade women from going after women, nor men from going after men. Rather the opposite. It should empower you to ask what people are into on a particular evening. Just like you ask a full-swap couple if they feel like swapping that night.