Entering the lifestyle after cheating

Let’s pretend you’re at a lifestyle event, and chatting with an attractive couple. One of them says, “we entered the lifestyle because I cheated with my coworker, and we decided it would be better to explore extra-marital sex together than in secret.”

What is your immediate gut reaction?

Do you think “drama?”

Do you think “train wreck?

Do you think “wow, the lifestyle will never work for them?”

Do you distance yourselves from them, based upon that comment?

I’ve heard many people say that you can only approach the lifestyle from the aspect of “openness and honesty” and that trying to rectify infidelity through swinging just simply will not work. I used to say those same things as well, but now I’m beginning to feel differently about it.

Look, monogamy is hard and often people in monogamous relationships “cheat.” They rarely intended to, but it happens. People are human, and humans are weaker than most of us care to admit.

It’s easy to say “swinging will not save a bad marriage.” But who are we to say what is a “good” marriage or a “bad” marriage?

If cheating is what causes a couple to begin to evaluate their marriage, and how monogamy may, or may not, fit into their marriage, who are we to judge them?