Do it, or don’t.

Have you ever given a poor effort and then still found yourself depressed about the inevitably negative result? For example, have you ever eaten poorly and later became upset that you gained fat, even though it was the only possible outcome? That’s been me lately at swinger parties. Not trying to get laid, and then becoming a little sad that I didn’t get laid. Stupid.

I’ve been bouncing around parties non-stop. Chatting with one person, then another, then another. Never taking the time to flirt or build chemistry with someone. As soon as something looks like it might start to go somewhere, I take off and talk to someone else.

Because I am the host, I have to be looking for signs of trouble regularly. Checking playrooms, the front door and making sure that everyone has at least a little smile on their face. To sit and talk to one person for more than a few minutes, would make me a poor host. I’m constantly moving.

I also make it a point to not flirt with new couples, because I’ve seen hosts do that and it comes across as very creepy.

However, not flirting with new couples and never stopping to explore the possibility of sexual chemistry with old friends has become a learned behavior that is cockblocking me at all lifestyle events.

We went to the Champagne Club a few months back, and I would talk to someone for five minutes, and then mingle away. I was repeating the same process time and time.

I never asked anyone any questions that could have possibly led to sex like “what are you interested in this evening?” Or, “do you find us attractive?” I’d make small talk, tell them they were attractive and then struck up a conversation with someone else. At the end of the night, it wasn’t so much of an “I can’t believe we didn’t hook up” but a “how could that have possibly ended in sex?”

I did the very same thing on our last trip to Hedonism.

Like Rambo said in First Blood, “You can’t just turn it off!” That’s true of hosting swinger parties. Pushing sex down the priority list has become a habit that I’m having a hard time breaking. I either need to come to grips with that or change my behavior.

Because what I’m doing right now at non-ycp events is so predictable and so dumb.