I blog for a few reasons. One is to simply add content to the website. My opinion doesn’t matter any more than anyone else’s. I’m not an expert on the lifestyle. We’ve been in the lifestyle for over a decade, host our own events, and have attended events nationwide. Yet human sexuality is a science and I don’t want to play expert without any formal training.
But when you’re blogging, you really have give your opinion. So this is mine…if you disagree, don’t sweat it and let it ruin your day. I’m just a dude with a keyboard, and I’m quite possibly wrong. LOL
I believe that single men should only call themselves “swingers” or “in the lifestyle” if they meet one or both of the following criteria:
A. They have been in a loving, consensual non-monogamous relationship in the past.
B. They are bisexual and engage in sexual activity with both partners of your typical male/female swinger couple.
Let me explain.
A. Been in a loving consensual non-monogamous relationship in the past.
I’ve actually heard single males say about my wife (I’m paraphrasing several different, but similar, statements), “If she were mine, I’d never share her, I don’t know how you do it.”
I have no doubt that the majority of the single males I’ve encountered in clubs were monogamous, when in a relationship. Walking into a swinger club with absolutely nothing to share and nothing to lose, does not make you a swinger.
Every man in the lifestyle has felt, and dealt with, the emotions of seeing their significant other penetrated by another man. To see her writhing in passion. To risk (at least it feels like it’s being put at risk) a relationship that your entire life is build around.
That is such an incredibly powerful and life-changing moment that you cannot pretend to know what that’s like and then proclaim yourself in the lifestyle. You’ve either experienced it, or you haven’t.
I’ve seen too many men, who thought seeing their partner take a new cock for the first time would be the greatest moment of their life, realize it was their worst nightmare. You do not always react to things the way you imagined that you would.
B. Bisexual males
Being a bisexual male is certainly unique. While I’ve seen hundreds of single males in clubs over the years, I’ve never seen one that is outwardly bisexual. Of course, I never asked either, so take my perspective for what it’s worth.
When I have single men call themselves “manicorns” in an email, I ask them if they are interested in pleasing the male half of a couple, as well as the female. 90% of the time, the response I get is homophobic.
So if you’re single, monogamous (when in a relationship), want to see naked women and possibly get some pussy….congratulations, you’re a perfectly normal heterosexual male. You are not, however, in the lifestyle.
I’m afraid our membership standards have to be a little higher than “wanting pussy.”
We do not allow single males at YCP, but if we did, I’d simply ask these two qualifying questions:
Have you ever been in a loving, consensual non-monogamous relationship?
Are you a manicorn? That is, a bisexual male looking to actively engage in sexual relations with both members of a couple.
If they aren’t, I wouldn’t let them in. They aren’t swingers, and this is a swinger club.