Disclaimer: I am fully aware that what I’m about to share with you is absurd and unfair. We cannot always control what we think, or how we react. This is especially true when you realize that both my wife and myself fit this definition of “wholesome” perfectly. We are both in our 30’s and neither of us has a single tattoo or piercing. That alone makes us some of the most conservative looking people anywhere, let alone a sex party.
I’ll admit it. I’m afraid to approach some women at swinger parties.
It’s not the women who are “too hot” or seem “too confident.” Rather, it’s the women who seem too wholesome.
My mind puts certain women into a box, labels that box, “too wholesome to want to fuck you” and dismisses them. A woman in her 20’s or 30’s, with little tattoos, piercings, and natural breasts goes right into this box.
My brain seems to look for something that screams “I live an unconventional lifestyle.” That could be a tattoo, nipple piercings, dyed hair, augmented breasts or some other thing. I cannot fully explain this weird trick that my brain does, and I know it’s unjustifiable. It’s ridiculous, unfair and isn’t even related to what I find attractive. I find the “wholesome” women very attractive, I just find them more difficult to approach.
This is exactly why I love fetish themed events, even though BDSM, leather, etc., do not represent my normal style or sex life. It makes women seem much more approachable. Because basically all fetish themed outfits are highly sexualized.
Hedonism II (Hedo) in Jamaica is the perfect example of this. At Hedo, we spend all day at the “nude pool,” where the alcohol is unlimited and you must be completely naked. Women cannot even wear bikini bottoms. PDA is not only allowed, but it’s also expected. It’s not at all unusual to see people having oral sex at poolside. It’s so common you don’t even notice it after a half-hour. Sexually speaking, it’s as wild of place as there is on earth. Even there, my mind sees “wholesomeness” in certain women at first-glance and immediately writes them off as a casual sex partner.
However, that same woman who seemed too “wholesome” to me while naked at a sex resort, suddenly seems completely different on Fetish night at Hedo! You walk into the dining hall for dinner and everyone is wearing black. Black leather, black latex, black lingerie. It’s not at all unusual to see a woman wearing nothing but a black leather strap outfit, exposed breasts with pasties that say “fuck me,” a fox tail butt plug and a choker that says, “cum slut.” It’s hard to see that outfit and think wholesome.
Everyone is dressed that way, and it’s absolutely amazing.
Here are some examples of fetish outfits that you might see at fetish night. I encourage you to push your own boundaries a bit with this theme. The great thing about a swinger party is that you can dress like you’re down to fuck everyone, but people will still not touch you without consent and treat you with dignity and respect.